Note Five: Someone Lied About Ambition And You Believed It
We are talking about something interesting today but it’s note five and I need to tell you how I write these things. Throughout the week, I read books, listen to podcasts, watch videos and talk with people. I learn and take notes of salient points. On Saturday mornings, I look through my notes for the week to take stock of my learnings and sort through materials I intend to share or revisit.
It is when I do this that I notice patterns and in life’s interesting ways, there’s always one or two strong themes from my personal learnings during the week. It could be something someone said in conversation that led me down a rabbit hole of information or chapters of the books I am reading — novels, development, business and media — aligning to point to the same things.
This week started with someone asking me if I consider myself an ambitious person, then my book club read a chapter about what people want out of life and as I review my notes now, ambition is the inadvertent focus for the week.
People ask me about ambition a lot so it was not out of place to get the question twice this week. The question isn’t the interesting part, it’s the way people react to answers that continues to fascinate me. The question — are you an ambitious person? — is expected to be met with a resounding ‘yes’ in a room full of conventionally smart professionals. Saying ‘no’ can often lead to a fall from grace. The intent behind the question is mostly to sort, to see if you are qualified to be there.
In other rooms, answering ‘yes’ could make you come across as success-hungry, uncaring and devilishly ruthless, especially if you are a woman. What do you mean you are an ambitious woman? You want to chase a career and forget your family?
In both rooms, the definition of the word is the enemy. Ambition is such a funny term. It’s one of those things that people tend to misrepresent or that often determines how people see themselves and others. It is sometimes seen as an unbridled pursuit of worldly goals in a way that provides meaning and a superiority complex. The “laid back” people view it as an evil trait that threatens their contentment and the other group view it as a necessary fuel to aggressively drive one towards life’s purpose.
A lot of what is controversial about ambition is the street definition of the term which leans heavily into the “at any cost” narrative. That is, ambition is defined as a chase to win and be at the highest level no matter what. This definition has birthed many moral battles within people and groups. Human relations are often sorted based on the answers to these questions — how much is too much? What are you willing to lose? And how much of a person’s self worth or societal acceptance should be measured by ambition?
So, let’s properly define the word. According to the Oxford Dictionary, ambition is “a strong desire to achieve something.” The second definition is the “desire and determination to achieve success.” I went down the rabbit hole of definitions and consistently, three things constitute ambition. They are desire, determination and achievement.
Spoiler alert, everybody has ambition. The key differentiators are in what people desire which develops their general idea of what they consider achievements and these two drive the level of determination.
When we describe people as ambitious or not, it mostly comes down to how willing we are to accommodate the fact that they desire different things from us and therefore, they use very different markers to measure success. The approach to pursuing achievements (whatever they consider those to be) will inevitably vary.
Some people really, really want that bungalow while you want the mansion and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean they lack ambition and you don’t get to look down on them for it. It simply means your desires are different.
Who made you the judge over desires and markers of success?
I had to learn, over time, to respect people’s goals and desires because there was a time I used to think people lacked ambition if they wanted “small things”. It’s often easy to forget that environment, context and intrinsic individual factors determine what we pursue and celebrate. It is hard to keep these in mind because we now live in a world where people reach for and desire things without knowing why.
Recently, I wrote about interrogating your choices and now, I am asking that you interrogate your ambition. Why do you desire the things you do? Why are these success markers important to you? What is your determination level for these things and why? Are you in a rat race that does not serve you?
Doing this introspection regularly provides clarity and helps you chart a path for your ambition that speaks to you and fulfils you. You should try it.
(PS: Maybe you owe people apologies for looking down on their goals. There are ways to shift people’s contexts and help them dream better dreams that don’t include invalidating the dreams they currently have.)
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Thank you for reading.
(You are reading this because one random day, I said I was going to share one learning note a week in 2024 and some people liked the tweet). See my profile for other notes.