Note One: Are You In The Wrong Playground?
Does anyone remember the exact moments when their life changed? And I don’t necessarily mean a career change or the other big changes. I am referring to moments when it finally hit you that things weren’t the same anymore. If you’ve been in love, it could be the moment when you looked at them and couldn’t see the person you loved anymore or as an adult, it was the moment your adulthood dawned on you.
I always find people’s recollections of the latter interesting. Days ago, I saw a fourteen-year-old contend with the fact that he was aging with painful realization. I saw the innocence begin to lift off his face as the sullenness that acceptance brings dawned on him. It was a simple moment with a dramatic effect. He had seen some kids using the playground and ran with glee to join them. Seconds later, he came back with tears hanging in his eyes.
“They said I am too old for it. That I am not a child. But I am 14! How can I not be a child anymore?,” he quizzed his mother and clung to her shirt for comfort.
I watched the whole thing with so much interest. He really couldn’t believe that everyone around saw him in a light he was not prepared to see himself in. This wasn’t about him lying to himself but simply about a mismatch of expectations. Him versus the world.
It was a fleeting moment for me, watching from the outside but I could only imagine the internal conflict he had to contend with. The experience has stayed with me because we have all been there. We have all really tried to continue in spaces that the world could see that we have outgrown.
Sometimes, like that boy, our realization can come in fleeting moments which we are often eager to interpret as rejection or some form of imposter syndrome. We let our fear of what the next phase could require of us cripple us and some other times, we do not want to acknowledge that growth comes with more responsibilities. We want the benefits from an advanced stage with the time and effort of the lesser stage. We are simply too afraid of the real story because we have become best friends with the pity gotten from being undervalued.
Sometimes, instead of trying to figure out if we ought to be in a playground we’ve outgrown, we convince ourselves that we stick out because we are unique, special or because we are supposed to stay there to fight for our place against all odds.
What if you aren’t supposed to be there anymore? How do you know when to keep fighting for a place or when to find a new place that will accommodate your growth? And I am asking this across different life areas. I often wonder why career is usually the first thing that comes to mind when questions like these are asked. On your journey to becoming a well-rounded person, what have you outgrown and what needs more work before you are ready to move? Life is funny because not every area of your life grows at the same pace. So, maybe you are qualified for a new stage in an area of your life but your career needs you to sit still and grow where you currently are or vice versa.
If we all had answers to these questions, life wouldn’t be so difficult. We would all be coasting in the bliss of self awareness and the ability to make better decisions. But life is what life is and these questions need answers.
As you plan for the new year, what are your goals focused on? Are you planning to use the swings better and win everyone on the jungle gym in a playground that no longer serves you? Are you honestly assessing your life and working on finding new spaces for the growth spurts you experienced in 2023?
While watching that boy, something else hit me. He was not allowed in the kid’s playground but the adults weren’t going to take him into their gathering either. He needed to be with other teenagers and to actively begin to make room for the new thoughts, experiences and joys this new phase will bring if he would immerse himself fully into it. Adulthood will come but that’s still a time in the future.
I thought about it and what it means when we experience growth spurts. Sometimes, we are too eager to go into new spaces because we are “grown” and we skip necessary steps. There are times for double or even triple promotions but there are non-negotiable learnings. Sit with yourself and your life enough to properly discern. Ask yourself the hard questions, honestly answer them and fully embrace the season of life you are in per time.
The year will be over in hours and this is a last call to have more quality conversations with yourself and to ask more intently if the playground you are in is the right one for you in 2024. Like I always ask — what needs to happen for me to do better? Whether it’s about accepting where I am to do better or accepting what I’ve worked hard to become to step into a new era.
Do some introspection today and I hope you show yourself kindness through it all.