Note Six: Sometimes, What Other People Think About You Matters
If you work a structured nine-five job, there are chances that you get a 360-degrees performance review at least twice a year. These are designed for you to have a strong sense of how you performed on the job within a timeframe, especially with specific key performance indicators based on a summary of feedback from you, your manager and other stakeholders who work with you.
Performance reviews at work are so important that we celebrate when we get good grades and receive good feedback, and we note the areas we need to improve. No matter how senior you are, your self-appraisal is only one part of the process. It is compulsory for others to weigh in and share their thoughts whether you agree or not.
Our lives require 360-degree performance reviews too. It’s a feedback process that we cannot afford to only have happen in our work lives, limiting the benefits to the box of career building.
Personally, I want to know how well I am doing as a friend, sibling, child, collaborator and partner. I am aware that sometimes, the way I rate my actions and contributions in the world could differ from the way it is received and because I care about becoming better, I prioritize a healthy feedback and review system.
My favourite method for explaining the personal feedback system and how to explore it is the Johari Window. Prior to my first communication theory class, I hadn’t quite built a system beyond simply waiting for people to give me feedback before adjusting where necessary.
Over the years, I have noticed a vast difference in the way my life and work have improved as I continue to master the process of actively seeking feedback from the people whose opinions I care about and sifting the feedback through the values and goals that are important to me.
Let’s look at the Johari Window for a moment. When I was talking about it this week with someone, I became very nostalgic as it inspired so many dinner conversations in my household from the moment I came back home one summer break and explained this cool thing I learned in communications theory class.
In 1955, American psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham developed a model that helped people improve self-awareness and personal development when they are in a group. They picked the first few letters of their names and crafted The Johari Window which is also denoted as a feedback/disclosure model of self-awareness.
This model is based on two ideas — that trust can be acquired by revealing information about you to others and that you can learn about yourself from their feedback. Each person is represented by the Johari model through four quadrants or window panes. Each four window panes signifies personal information, feelings, motivation and whether that information is known or unknown to oneself or others in four viewpoints.
Here are the four window panes:
- Open/self-area or arena: This is a pane where your attitudes, behaviour, emotions, feelings, skills and views are known by you and others. Everyone, and you, are aligned on key things about you. This is where the initial commonality begins. For instance, everyone knows you can code or you are an empath. It is open and accessible, and you are likely to have a lot of your day to day interactions based on these.
- Blind self or blind spot: This is information about yourself that others know but you don’t. Or it is simply interpretation of yourself, your habits, behaviour and skills that you are unaware of. The best way to know this is by seeking direct feedback and proceeding to act on the awareness that the feedback provides.
-Hidden area or façade: This is information that is known to you but will be kept unknown to others. This can be any personal information which you feel reluctant to reveal. This includes feelings, past experiences, fears, secrets etc.
- Unknown area: This is information that both you and others are not aware of. This includes the information, feelings, capabilities, talents etc. The interesting thing about this last pane is that the more you engage with others and yourself in the other areas, the easier it becomes to unlock more unknown areas.
The Johari Window can benefit you as you build your life and improve self awareness because it enables you to become more aware of our own strengths, weaknesses, and behaviours.
You don’t need to act on every feedback. Sometimes, the way people approach their review of you as a person or your work gives you more insights into how they see themselves and what they really think/feel about you. The beauty of this knowledge is that just like with useful feedback, this insight helps you adjust either your relationship with them or your perception of their importance in the grand scheme of things that is your life.
In the meantime, do something fun. Create a personal Johari Window and approach the people you care about with review questions. The answers will help you build a stronger sense of self.
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Thank you for reading.
(You are reading this because one random day, I said I was going to share one learning note a week in 2024 and some people liked the tweet). See my profile for other notes.